If your boyfriend is being aggressive or cursing at you, that is absolutely not okay. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. Try to stay calm so you can diffuse the situation and get away from him as soon as possible. [4] X Research source It might seem like smiling at him is a good idea, but if he’s already angry and not thinking clearly, it may provoke him. People with anger issues may interpret a smile as mockery. It’s safer to keep your facial expression blank. [5] X Research source

If you’re afraid your boyfriend might become aggressive, try to position yourself out of his reach without being too obvious about it. Setting boundaries is a great way to be the bigger person. [8] X Expert Source Jason Polk, LCSW, LACRelationship Counselor Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.

“Jack, let’s talk about this at a normal volume. We don’t need to yell. " “Would you mind lowering your voice, Eric? I’m right here. " “I really want to solve this issue with you, but I can’t if you’re yelling at me. "

“Darren, I hate fighting with you. Let’s take a few minutes to calm down. I need to walk the dog anyway, so I’ll go take care of that now. " “John, I need to pick up my dry cleaning before the shop closes. I’ll be back in 15-20 minutes. Can we use that time to calm down and then circle back?” If you feel scared or threatened, you don’t have to go back. It’s important to get yourself out of that situation as fast as possible. Always set a specific time limit for timeout; that way, your boyfriend knows that you’re coming back. [13] X Expert Source Jason Polk, LCSW, LACRelationship Counselor Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.

If you need to cry, let the tears out. It’s better to honor your emotions rather than try to repress them.

Is this the first time he’s yelled at you? What triggered the yelling? Is there an actual issue or did he fly off the handle for no reason?[17] X Research source Did he call you names, make demeaning comments, or threaten you? That’s verbal abuse; you don’t deserve it and you don’t have to put up with it. [18] X Research source Did he try to blame his yelling on you? This is another common tactic abusers use to manipulate their partners. [19] X Research source

“I felt shocked and confused when you raised your voice at me earlier. You’ve never done that before. Will you talk to me about what upset you so much?” “I have a tough time thinking rationally when someone is yelling at me. Now that we’re both calm, please talk to me about why you’re so upset. "

If your boyfriend got upset because you’ve been partying a lot during the week, he may be worried you’ve met someone else or scared that you’ll get hurt. If you put yourself in his shoes, you can see where he’s coming from. If your boyfriend was upset because you spend more time with your friends than with him, he’s trying to control you. When you put yourself in his shoes, his feelings don’t make much sense. [26] X Research source If he won’t admit he yelled at you or says you’re overreacting, that’s gaslighting—another form of abuse. You don’t deserve that and it’s not okay. [27] X Research source

Be clear and specific; if you’re vague when you set a boundary, he may not understand what’s at stake. [29] X Research source

If you’re committed to staying together, consider seeing a couples counselor so you can work through this issue together in a safe space. [31] X Research source