But I don’t think of myself as John Hauser–Unabomer Victim. I don’t really look back and try to figure it all out. I’ve been called at 5 in the morning when a suspect was pulled over in Chicago with a bunch of electronic stuff in the back of his truck, so I don’t get too crazy about tips. Until now, the Unabomer has just been an abstract idea. Obviously someone set this bomb on the table, but it’s not like I knew him -I was a random target. Yet deep down, a part of me wants to know what kind of person could do these horrific crimes. I can see myself wanting to do some of the same things the suspect has done, wanting to drop out and go live in the woods. But I do wonder what would carry him to the point where he would take to killing to try to get his ideas across. Why would somebody do this without considering the human consequences of his actions? That’s unimaginable to me. That’s going to take quite a while to understand.
Ever since Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon, I wanted to be an astronaut. When I went off to the Air Force Academy, and then to graduate school at Berkeley in ‘84, I thought maybe I could pull it off. But the Unabomer changed the course of my life. The air force gave me a medical discharge; there was no way to continue flying. Most of the muscles in my forearm were destroyed. After two lengthy microsurgeries and a year of rehabilitation, my fingers, thumb and half my hand were–and still are–completely numb. I’m sure I have some anger, but it doesn’t come out much. There have been times, after other Unabomer attacks, when I’ve had nightmares. My belief that the Unabomer didn’t target me personally has lessened the psychological impact. I actually feel fortunate to be here, to be alive. I learned to write left-handed. I went on to get my Ph.D. and become a professor. Of course, sometimes it all comes back to me. When I was living in California a few years ago, vintage airplanes would fly over my house in formation. I’d be in the backyard, and it’d be like they were calling me. I’d think, I’d give my right arm to get my right arm back.
