This is probably good for you, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. This will give you time to do some self-reflecting and figure out how you want to approach the conversation. It’s totally normal to be bummed out, even if you know you screwed up. Don’t be too hard on yourself—everyone makes mistakes! If the reverse is true and you need space but she wants to solve this right now, it’s totally okay to say, “I’m really sorry I upset you, and I do want to fix this, but I need to sort my thoughts out first. I hope that makes sense, I’m not trying to avoid you or anything. ”
If you really think you have zero responsibility here, you have two options. You can try and sit down and explain why you think you were in the right, or you can just let it go and apologize like you really were wrong, even if you think you weren’t. If you find it really hard to see how you upset her, take a walk and clear your head. Often, it’s hard to perceive our actions when it’s still the heat of the moment, and a break should give you some clarity.
If there’s a gap between the start of the conflict and the next time the two of you talk, feel free to write your apology out. Even if you think she shares some of the blame here, now is not the time. Solve things first and then dissect the situation later when the two of you are in a more productive headspace.
Whatever you do, don’t lash out at her for lashing out at you. That’s how screaming matches and fights start. If your goal here is to move on, you might just have to let her get it all out. If she tears into you and sees you sitting there nodding your head and saying, “I understand,” she’s very likely to feel how over-the-top she’s being and cut it out.
You might say, “What can I do to make it up to you? I feel really bad and I want you to know how much you mean to me, so how can I do that?” If you forgot it was date night or something like that, you might say, “Look, I know I screwed up. Can I take you out next week? I’d been planning this big thing for you and I just got the dates mixed up. Let me make it up to you. ”
This can take time. She probably won’t take much stock in a single gesture, but if you’re consistent and reasonable, she’ll let go of whatever was making her angry.
If you make some minor gesture to try and get her to smile and she shies away from you, or doesn’t seem into it, let it go. Don’t push it.
Again, if you ask her for a hug and she’s not into it, let it go. No good comes from forcing someone to do something they don’t want to do.
For example, if she was mad at you for not posting photos of the two of you on Facebook, once the rift is repaired you might say, “Boy, I can’t wait to forget tell my Facebook friends about this. ” If she was upset that you didn’t notice her new haircut, you might smile and say, “Did you do something new with your eyebrows?” Take her personality into account here. This can be a bit of a risky move if your girlfriend is more on the sentimental side or she doesn’t get your sense of humor.
You might ask her, “Hey, do you mind if we talk about that fight we had last week?” or, “Can we chat about how we can have more productive arguments when we’re mad at one another?”
If you were talking to other girls or something serious along those lines, it can take a long time for her to get over it (and understandably so). Don’t push back if she asks to see your social media accounts or probes about who you’re spending your spare time with. This should go without saying, but actively avoid doing the thing that upset her in the first place. If she lost it when she found out you spent a bunch of your shared bank account on a new car without talking to her, don’t make any big purchases without checking in with her first.
