If you’re more of an acquaintance and you usually connect via text, then message one member of the family who can share your text with everyone else.
Set up weekly dinner plans and do your best never to miss them. While you’re with this family, check in on how they’re feeling. If you’re close with this family but live far away, set up regular phone calls with them. Even a simple check-in text can do wonders, especially months down the line when their support might’ve waned.
When grieving, people may not have time to make nutritious meals. Share food with your family friends so that cooking isn’t another thing on their full plate.
“I heard about your cousin. It’s so terrible, and I’m sorry. " “You have my deepest condolences. "
“I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother. She’s in my prayers. " “Your entire family has been in my thoughts constantly since I heard. " “All of my thoughts and prayers are with Leo. "
But despite that, your message reminds them of something more important: that this family can rely on you for care and support. “There are no words that could be enough. All I can say is that I’m so sorry—and I’m here for you. " “I’m more sad and sorry than I could possibly put into words. But please know that I’m here to help. "
“I won’t pretend to understand how you’re feeling. " “I can’t begin to understand the pain you’re in. But I can still help. Please, let me. " “I’ll never really get how you’re feeling, but I’d love to listen if you’re willing to share. "
“I just want you to know—I’m here. This week, next month, next year. I’m here for you. " “I never want you to wonder whether or not you can ask me for help. You can call me anytime. " “You know what I might do? Assign your contact a special ring. That way, I’ll always know if it’s you calling. "
Grocery shopping can become extremely difficult. “Could you make a list of groceries? I’m going to do a run for you this afternoon. " To a grieving family, simple household errands can feel like a huge burden. Say you’re willing to help: “I was going to mow my lawn this afternoon. I think I’ll come by and do yours, too, if you’re okay with that. "
“If you’re willing to talk about it, I’m here to listen. How have you been?” Sit and listen, and if they get choked up or take long breaks between words, wait in silence. Don’t interrupt or change the subject and if you’re close enough, offer them physical comfort, like a hug.
Someone saying this would definitely be trying to empathize, which makes sense—but this won’t have the desired effect.
In general, avoid religious-based comments unless you know that the family is spiritual. As a rule of thumb, wait until you’ve heard them speak about their grief in religious terms (for example: “I’ve been praying for Tommy every night”).
